An article flashes on my face book page, that claims to have figured out 36 magical questions which can make any two people fall in love. It is a list of intimate questions that could trigger or facilitate love between two strangers in a lab environment. The experiment was designed and first successfully conducted by Arthur Aron a psychology professor, who made two strangers answer the questions in three sects. Towards the end, the participants were made to stare in to each other's eyes in absolute silence for about 4 minutes. They actually fell in love and got married six months later. This was later tried by several others with assured results.
I made a note to
forward generously it to all the single (financially independent) women (family
and friends) who were running low on intimacy and unable to make up their minds.
While doing so, I eventually realized that number of single women in the
immediate and extended family outnumbered men. Where men were single, they were
already dating someone or should I say they would have figured their 36
questions and completed their 4 minute ritual. But with the women, it seemed an
arduous task.
Falling (or
rising) in love is a subject that has continued to occupy minds of writers,
film makers, tarot readers, fortune tellers, astrologists, and match makers for
several years. No daily, weekly or yearly forecast columns can afford to miss
out predictions on our love affairs. If you are single (of marriageable age or
beyond) and gather the nerve to visit your family friends and relatives, be
assured to encounter thoughtful Aunts. Aunties that are known to you, or you
bump in to by sheer chance would unconditionally pray for you to tie the
nuptial knot at the earliest and live happily ever after. They self invite themselves
to your wedding and promise to dance like popcorn over hot fire. Getting
hitched is some mandatory qualification that would certify your otherwise petty-solo
existence in this world. I used to hate them earlier. Now, I mostly use them as
my muses to spin stories. I continue to be appalled about my (and our) rising complexity
to commit to 36 questions and four minute stare. My impromptu decision making
ability while planning travel, choosing assignments and living my life,
suddenly deserts me on this frontier.
Talking about marriage
obsessed aunts, I should mention that Bollywood has made memorable characters
of these, my favorite being the Philomena Aunty portrayed by Leela Mishra in
1979 romantic comedy "Baton Baton Mein". Philomena, with her snow
white hair, blue umbrella and a transparent floral bag is a regular visitor, an
old school know it all types, who would like the couple to rush in to marriage
now that they have known each other for a few meetings. Her disapproval of unwillingness
to commit is rather musically expressed in this romantic number "Utthe Sab ke Kadam"
[from 2:01 onwards]
Several years
back, there was a popular program on some FM radio titled "Love
Guru". Google, the word and you will be overwhelmed with 3,86,00,000
results. The listeners posed questions about their affairs, complications and
about weird behavior of their partners and family members. [A disclosure] In
India, norm is that our entire (extended) families fall in to love with each
other. Sooraj Bharjatya's [final authority on Indian weddings] hyped family centered
movies have set the bar for the wedding album that lines up all the relatives
from left to right in several rows and is considered an authentic proof of the conjugal
bond that will last at least seven lives if not more.
Coming back to the
Love Guru, a calm, soothing voice at the other end of FM frequency would offer
listeners sensible advice with a collection of melodious and romantic songs in
between. [We Indians, have a song for ever emotion concerning love]. The advice
was generic, as were the questions, largely conservative and occasionally suggesting
to gather the guts to declare your love about your partner. At times, the
"Love Guru" also offered serious advice to back off as it would
create utterly complicated scene with several lives. His voice was sombre, grave,
confident and sounded "know it all". It was a late night program,
ones that would involve adult matters to be talked about only once the children
slept off. Nevertheless, it offered a sneak peak in to world of love affairs
that haunted young Indian minds.
Making connections
has utterly complicated dimensions, historically and even today. My favorite
quote on connections is by Oscar Wilde “For one moment our lives met, our souls touched.” It appears in a play "Lady
Windermere's Fan, A Play about a Good Woman" by Oscar
Wilde. [Second Act]
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Lady Windermere. Ah, give me time to think. I cannot answer you
now. [Passes her hand nervously
over her brow.]
Lord Darlington. It must be now or not at all.
Lady Windermere. [Rising from the
sofa.] Then, not at all! [A pause.]
Lord Darlington. You break my heart!
Lady Windermere. Mine is already broken. [A pause.]
Lord Darlington. To-morrow I leave England. This is the last time I
shall ever look on you. You will never see me again. For one moment
our lives met—our souls touched. They must never meet or touch
again. Good-bye, Margaret. [Exit.]
Lady Windermere. How alone I am in life! How terribly alone!
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At the end of Four Acts, Lord Darlington, somehow does
not end up with Margaret (or Lady Windermere). I now wonder. How if he had
known about the 36 questions and 4 minute stare ? Or if Oscar Wilde could have
created a character by the name of Lady Philomena in 1893.
